this is SO hard...

There is something amazing on the horizon... I am trying to teach myself HTML by practicing with Front Page. With any luck, and help from the gods, I will be able to change the complete fashion of my blog to reflect the more aquatic me.

Stay Tuned, Sports Fans

Scorpio is a WATER sign...go figure!

This is what one site says:

"Scorpio:
The sign of Scorpio is represented by a scorpion, snake or eagle. The scorpion and snake denote the primitive, instinctual sex drive that can be destructive if untamed but the eagle represents its higher attributes of mature paternal protectiveness and executive ability. This sign is the emotional urge to procreate. It's more than just the sex drive. It's the emotional drive to protect and perpetuate the family. Scorpios have natural executive ability. They inspire loyalty and are loyal and true to family, friends or employers they feel are their extended family. They can also be jealous and protective. They can keep a secret if necessary. They can be emotionally impulsive and be quick to anger. If a mistake was made, they will right the wrong done to others. Scorpios tend to marry someone like a family member or with a similar background. They are willing to compromise rather than breech their ties with their family. They need to be part of the family and they are protective of the family group. There can be intense infighting within the family but they will defend the family from the outside world. They generally have high energy and can get the job done. Sexuality is high on their priority list and is right below the veneer they show to the world. Scorpio is a Water sign, ruled by the planet Mars and associated with the sex organs, urethra and anus."

Maybe J is a Scorpio too

Soireé (sp?)

A party a couple of weeks ago with highschool friends. Can you tell we graduated in the 80's ??

It's just a "Phase"

By the end of last week, I felt driven, energized, stoned almost by a desire to move forward, to shed the old, to approach the Truth (as I conceive it), to begin anew. I wondered at that impetus and although I am not a big believer in astrological stuff, I do believe that we are affected by the turns of the worlds around us, this most assuredly includes the forceful moon.

Our second full moon in July, however not in the same astrological sign, once I realized that this weekend was potent with our rotund little orbiter, it was apparent why I felt compelled (at least in part). As with all things our lives, emotions, thoughts are "phasic," and the moon may just be a representation of that or it may have definite effect. Whatever the situation though, I take into consideration that I am indeed subject to my phases - both good and bad.

I certainly hope this next one is good...

Unpleasantness-Pleasantness

Yesterday I had to follow through...and it was the epitome of the "double-edged sword." In essence, to be true to myself I had to confront the untruths of another. Normally, I would shy away from, in fact avoid altogether, a situation of this nature, and have done so repeatedly in my past much to my detriment, however, the pain and constriction I was feeling had become prohibitive. Over the course of my life, I have taken on many roles - some positive, some really quite negative. Of late, I am making an attempt to shed, one by perilous one, the negative precepts to which I cling. In most instances this is a completely personal journey and one of Everest difficulty, but yesterday was an exception. I took responsibility for the way I felt when I was treated shabbily. Maybe I should have continued in my Christian tack of turning the other cheek, but things were beginning to fester.

My initial reaction was to feel weightless, relieved, boyant (see previous post) and that should have been that. However my old knee-jerk, self-abasement tapes start playing and I abuse myself for hurting another for my own sanity.

And so we return again in this blog to the issues of honesty and integrity. And, once again I say no martyr am I, but our primary directive as sentient beings, I believe, is to cherish each and every other human. To respect him, to treat him with humanity and to be non-judgemental, and to offer our very best. This is the ideal.

So much for soap-boxing...let's move on to some comedy-jokes.......

Phew..............

Resolving festering feelings is like breathing again. Claiming oneself is euphoric. Moving forward makes me giddy.

I float...

Last Night...

I sailed terrifying seas with Nazis, sipped Pat O'Brien's Strawberry Daquiris with old chums, experienced an exhilirating ride in an anti-gravity lift, and decided to dance again.

What dreams... may come...

Realizations and Epiphanies

Today, of all Thursdays, I found insight. It was always there, lurking behind my mind's scary dark door, but there nonetheless. And, not only was there insight, it was coupled with action. I dare say that insight, epiphany, realization is satisfying in itself, but much more fulfilling when coupled with the corollary and appropriate action.
 
True to my nature and the nature I am trying to nurture, some of these "new beginnings" I will pursue like a pit-bull, others, the less important and efficacious, will wither with the season.
 
 
 

Hi! I'm a GOOBER, ... Wanna Dance?

UH, OK, everyone... Link-y no work-y, but now I fix-y, I think-y. Feedback-y, Por Favor.  (Try the slideshow...)
 
Love, Ur Favorite Cyber Goober

P.S. Sincere apologies to "Anonymous"

New Toy....YeeHaw!

I gotta new toy...WooHoooooooooooo! Am still working out the details but perhaps I can elucidate thru some crude attempts here...

I like Grapes...

Hmmmm...I really like grapes.... Aw, crud, I forgot to get those tomatoes from Mom's house.... Shark week has started off kinda sucky this time.... I wonder hong long I could go without laundering underwear?... Boy, "J" loves crickets....Slut Bunwhalah!...Ok, I can give up bread but NEVER cheese....Look at my dragon....Yippe is sooooooo sweet....My darling babies here....I love you/A bushel and a peck....What should I write in my blog tomorrow? Everything has been so dour lately....Will I have to explain "dour?"....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

What to scribe.... I had so many ideas, thoughts, and generally random frenetic synaptic excursions. So let's address a few: 
  
A: Dad  
 
I've thought often about my Dad this week. Much of it to do with our slowly developing relationship that has been stranded for so long on the shores of misperception (at least on my part). Mostly I mourn the wasted years of silent recrimmination, the inhibition due to fear and guilt, and just plain laziness.
 
B: The "J" Report, Fifth Element
 
We've moved up to solid, wiggly food and supplement with chunky Stage 3 pabulum. Poops are looking firm and "J" is moving beyond immediate alimentary evacuation to some nutrient retention. And, on review, I revise our big "D" Day. Evidently, "J" was much younger when he came to me than I originally surmised. Or perhaps his maturing is retarded by having a mother with opposable thumbs who jumps and jives to his merest gurgle.
 
In all actuality, it is quite useless to speculate as to the hour and minute of his maturation. As an exercise in zen, I will live in "J"s moment and rejoice in his minutae.
 
Almost forgot, this morning as I lay snoodled up in my beddy-by, "J" perched smartly on the silk tapestry above me, cloaca aimed expertly at my face, he suddenly launched and smacked smartly into the revolving ceiling fan. He was flung into the wall, slid down and shook himself, took a few wobbly steps and then was rescued by Mom. He suffered not greatly, but I must be more vigilant.

Addendum: "J" has begun to eat on his own with a few pointers from Mom. He has discovered the joy of cheese and crickets, and still shows a predilection to be near me when not exploring the surrounds. Also, he has discovered his water bowl and the marvels of the aquatic realm, not to mention enjoying a tepid shower with Mom on occassion (pictures on request...heehee).

  

The "J" Report, Episode Quatre

We near the big day for "J". He grows at a mystical rate yet still clings to his infant behavior. As we appraoch his "Day of Decision," I begin to hope that he will stay knowing that he will most likely leave. This seems to be a recurring theme in my life and perhaps on this small scale it is a lesson to inspect. My role seems to be one of nurturer, giving to those in need and denying my own desires until at last I have given all that I can. No, no...I am not a martyr. Trust me when I say that I am broken, and disillusioned each time that this process concludes and renews. Perhaps I should embrace this aspect of myself. Submit to my natural instinct and let my soul be nourished by that which I have tried to negate and struggle against for Lo! these long years.
 
Possibly, it is "J" that has come into my life to help me realize these grand life lessons.

Padded Walls

This morning brings panic. Not only were my dreams extremely violent, but I arose with a constricted heart, a spinning head and all of the "shouldas" whirling ceaselessly through my psyche.
 
Who am I?
 
Where am I going?
 
Why am I so fearful?
 
This will pass, but in the midst of it I feel helpless...swirling, spinning tornadicly, and moving through the banal motions of a wasted life.
 
India be with me...